Sweet Child…Where do we go from here?

I don’t know yet. But I’m getting there.  Do I have goals…oh yes I do.  Right now they are small and vague and allow for adaptation.  A giant earthquake has happened to my life, and I’ve cleaned up the mess. But I’m just starting to rebuild.

Lately I have been focusing on my life and how I want it to look.  My number one priority is my children.  The amount of stress I put on myself on a daily basis to do what is right by them is immense.  I’m simutaneously rewinding my life and moving forward, which would be much easier if I didn’t have three miracles to consider.  But I do have those miracles, and they are my compass, guiding me towards the right outcome.  I spend a lot of time reflecting on my childhood, my issues, and my challenges…so as not to burden my children with the same.  I’ve come to the realization that I will not be able to prevent my kids from having problems.  All I can do is stand beside them when they do.

All I can do is focus on getting myself on the right path, in order to set a good example for them.  All I can do is find and remain true to my values, and admit my mistakes when I don’t.  It’s all anyone can do.  I have to be strong, stick up for myself, and forgive others when I’m wronged.  I have to apologize to others and forgive myself when I do wrong.  And in both cases, after taking the proper action, I need to let it go.  So simple, yet so easily complicated.  In doing that I am doing right by my kids, and changing my family tree.

I teach my kids that having and expressing feelings, no matter what kind of feelings, is okay. But sometimes the actions we take while having those feelings are not okay and require apologies and amends.  I help them to focus on what they can do, not what someone else did.  In doing that for them, I reframe things for myself too.

Positive things can be gained from every situation, and motivation can be born in some weird places.  I’m learning to trust in and enjoy my journey, knowing that the destination will be as much worthwhile as the trip to get there.

In other, less worldly news, I shall update you on the details of my life:

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  • Russell is in 1st grade.  Still as smart as a whip, he’s doing math problems and reading like a whiz.  He turned 7 last week (which involved an Angry Birds themed party and 8 other boys from his class) and he’s got several loose teeth which he takes great pleasure in grossing my out with.  He’s still quite the little farmer who enjoys his time helping his dad on the farm.  When he’s with me, he spends his free time wearing a path around the house with his bike or hauling his sisters around in the toy gator that Santa brought him.  He has several classmates that are neighbors, and they occaisionally run around together after school.  He’s starting to take an interest in sports, and he loves to gall my boyfriend, Bruce, about the Hawkeyes.  Although, Bruce has convinced him to be a Vikings fan.

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  • Lucy is in 4 year old preschool, and she is a complete social butterfly.  I’m not sure where she came from, as she is as girly as a girl can be.  If you ask her what she likes, she will literally begin listing things  such as: dressing up, princesses, ponies, fairies, flowers, butterflies, jewlery, drancing, rainbows, ice cream, strawberries, Barbies, mermaids, nail polish, lipstick….etc.  She loves to draw and play with friends.  She attends dance class once a week and talks about it frequently.  She turned 5 over Christmas break, and held a pajama themed party that amounted 14 girls and 2.5 hours of girly craziness.

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  • Hazel is three, and she will tell you that if you ask her.  She will also insist on reminding you that she will be 4 on her next birthday (which isn’t until July!)  She goes to 3 year old preschool, and has one friend there she talks about alot.  She also goes to dance and loves it.  I often catch her making up dances and singing along to her own music.  She is still a little mommy and takes care of multiple baby dolls on a daily basis.  She will line them up to read stories, put them down for naps, and put them in time out.  Her imagination is growing like crazy and she is a pile of fun.  She loves to give hugs and kisses, especially at bedtime, and she will always say “I’m going to miss you” whevever she’s going somewhere.  She has niknamed Bruce, “Brucey-anna,”  and he calls her “Hazey-bacon.”
  • I am doing the self-employed thing and loving it.  I don’t know why I didn’t come up with it sooner and on my own!  I found myself unemployed this fall, and was really in a conondrum as to what I was going to do that would still bring income and work with the kids’ best interests in mind.  Then a friend suggested house cleaning, and it was like a lightbulb went on!!  So, Cookie Cleaning Services was born.  I have always enjoyed cleaning, and I feel that I am quite good at it too. It was a natural fit for me!  Business has been steadily growing.  I couldn’t be happier working for myself, by myself.  I know it’s not for everyone, but I have found something for me that is rewarding and satisfying.

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  • Yes, there is a special someone in my life.  He is a great person, and he always looks out for me.  Things come naturally for us. Although many in the outside world may not understand our relationship, it’s okay with me.  I’ve never felt for someone as sincerely as I do for him.  Our similarities and our differences compliment each other.   We have ups and downs, but no doubts.  He empowers me. He’s awesome with the kids.  I couldn’t ask for more.
  • I’m not doing any sort of volunteering or community stuff. But I’m sure that in time that will fall into place too.  The community I’m in is small. Everyone is welcoming, friendly, and tuned in.  I’ve never seen so much support for the school and the young people.  It’s good to be back “home.”  And it’s good to have a new start.

And yes, I know I’m still pretty rambly and unfocused, but I’m getting there.  Someday this blog will find its place and get its groove back. It’s just not going to be today.  So until then, hang on and enjoy this journey with me.  I promise, it will get better.

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7 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Sue on January 24, 2013 at 12:37 am

    Beautiful Lizzy!

  2. I understand completely where you are coming from my friend, as I too have found myself a newly single farmwife. Not quite what I envisioned for my life, but I have picked myself up, brushed myself off and am moving on. Life is getting brighter and more healing each day. Take care, sounds like you are on the right track.

  3. You’ve always been good with words, even if you feel it’s rambling! Always beautiful and worth reading. It’s not about the destination, but the journey. I love you.

  4. You’ve always been good with words, even if you feel it’s rambling. Beautiful and always worth reading! It’s not about the destination, but the journey. I love you.

  5. Posted by Laura Patton on January 24, 2013 at 5:22 pm

    You are a such a strong person, Liz! I just read your blog for the first time. You really have a way with words…so inspiring! I wish nothing but the best for you and your beautiful family! 😉

  6. You are a great Mama! So proud of you for all you’ve done in this “rebuilding” phase- for your children and yourself! Hope to see you again soon! – Sarah 🙂

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